Answering Machine Messages

My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name
and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
• A is for academics - B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here.
So, leave a message.
• Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you
are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you
didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you
are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
• Hi. Now you say something.
• Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it
instead. Wait for the beep.
• Hello. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?
• Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy message, I’ll
call sooner!
• Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak
very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.