Save money with these top tips…

• If you’re choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water
down your throat and Hey presto! The blockage is instantly dissolved.
• Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else
to hold them for you!
• Ladies don’t buy a vibrator make own inexpensive version using an empty
aluminium cigar tub filled with angry wasps.
• Don't buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful
of frozen peas inside it before using it.
• Have hours of endless fun by putting just the right amount of gin in your
goldfish bowl. It makes the their eyes bulge and causes them to swim like crazy.
• Gentlemen avoid long running arguments with the misses about lifting the toilet
seat, by simply pissing in the sink.
• Got High blood pressure? Sufferers of this common complain can simply cure
themselves by slashing their wrists and bleed for a while. This great method
quickly reduces the pressure in your veins!
• Have trouble getting up in the morning? A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm
clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep!