The evil Sergeant

A guy is standing in line waiting to get his Army discharge papers. Suddenly the meanest
sergeant in the regiment marches up to him and shouts, "Once your discharged, I bet
you'll be waiting for me to die, so you dance on my grave?"
"No Sergeant." Replies the private "When I get out of the Army, I’m never going to
stand in line again."
Q: How do you know when the wife about to say something smart?
A: The sentence begins with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There's a clock on the cooker!
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women do?
A: Women never have their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door,
which one should you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorcee.
Q: I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was
A: Always.
Q: If a guy hasn't spoken to his wife for 18 months why is that?
A: He doesn’t like to interrupt her.
Q: What food seriously diminishes a woman's sex drive?
A: Wedding cake